


and should I at your harmless innocence melt (as I do)

by contrarian



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Episode Tag, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post 2X06, indulging myself, lucifer might be a little ooc, obligatory chloe finds out fic, the original dysfunctional family, totally jossed by time of posting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-09 13:34:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8892673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/contrarian/pseuds/contrarian
Summary: “It's a big world, Detective Decker. Far wider than any of your religions would have it.”





	

It was late.

Trixie was asleep, at last, and Chloe was sat at her kitchen table, staring at a bottle of wine. Maze was… somewhere.

She checked her phone. 00:17. Perhaps normal for a case night. It wasn't a case keeping her up.

It occurred to her that she should be more annoyed that Lucifer took up so much of her time and attention, now apparently to the point of sleepless nights, but she couldn't bring herself to give the idea more than passing consideration. He was a decent guy at heart, if a bit of a wacko.

She hadn't seen him at loose ends before though, not the way he was today. Yesterday, technically, given the hour. He'd always bang on about being immortal, yes, haha, you're the devil, but she'd seen him bleed, and the way he acted earlier, nearly begging for…

Anyway. He had dismissed her afterwards, but he seemed to have listened when she told him to talk to someone. She hoped he had.

She was suddenly overwhelmed by the desire to check on him.

Well. She wouldn't do that.

She'd take a walk, clear her head, and maybe call Maze- she always seemed to know what was going on with her resident Prince of Darkness.

It occurred to her that wandering around LA past midnight was not one of her better ideas; what could she say, she was stressed. She'd take her gun, whatever. It would be fine.

She was careful to shut the front door quietly, pocketing her keys, she padded down the steps and onto the pavement, heading towards the closest lawn and benches, or a poor excuse for a park. It was a chilly night, but not unpleasantly so. She already felt a little more… like everything had come into focus. And vindicated. She felt better; this must have been a good idea.

There were two benches facing her, one empty, the other apparently occupied. Some suit sleeping it off, maybe. Not even one in the morning though, and if she'd learned anything from Lucifer it was that the party had barely started. As she got closer, though, she recognised the shape on the bench. The man himself.

 _Speak of the devil,_ she thought, with no shortage of irony. But, seeing him, ‘homeless magician’ was once again more what sprang to mind.

Maybe he hadn't gone to see anyone. He was holding a bottle- a bender? He didn't look wasted though (did he ever?), and it was probably early by his standards. As she got closer, he just looked miserable. Tired, old even.

He glanced up, and his face brightened in a rather forced way. “Detective! This is a surprise. It's a bit late for a walk, isn't it?” He leered. “There are plenty of other activities available.”

She ignored him and sat down next to him, a little awkwardly. He looked like hammered shit, and she was half tempted to tell him so. Instead, she said “it's been a long day. I'm surprised you're here, though.” She emphasised ‘here’, as in, _right by her house?_ “Not at the club, or Linda’s?”

His face darkened and she felt briefly guilty. Maybe that comment had been a little too pointed.

“I went to see Linda.” He said shortly. “It didn't turn out particularly well.”

“Oh.” She contemplated that for a second, and then turned suddenly. “What happened?” She winced internally, that had come out much more accusatory than she was trying for.

His eyes flashed with anger, but then he seemed to slump into himself. “I suppose I upset her. I… told her something that-” he seemed to search for the words “-that shocked her. I doubt she'll see me any more,” he added morosely.

Chloe's mind was already busy conjuring awful scenarios, but in reality, she was even more confused than before.

“You ended up right by my place,” she said, since he had ignored the last hint. “Were you planning on calling, or...?”

He gave her an unreadable look.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“When Linda was upset. Was it to do with whatever was bothering you today?” She tried gently.

He sighed heavily. “Sort of. Not really. That was the context, but-” he gestured vaguely. “It was something else.

Chloe wasn't even going to try and decipher that, so she sighed and leaned back, settling next to him on the bench. “Okay.”

He looked at her with mild surprise, and possibly relief. “Okay,” he murmured.

They sat for a little while before Chloe tried again.

“Do you want to tell me what was up today? Maybe I could help.” He had only rejected her last time, but it was worth a try.

He grinned. “There are many ways you could help. I'm not picky.”

She just looked at him in silence, until he broke her gaze, apparently discomfited by her concern.

He stayed silent for a minute. “My brother died.” He said it blankly, coolly, looking at the ground. It did explain his disheveled appearance, his grief. His guilt? She felt a brief but familiar swell of exasperation. He didn’t have to work that last case; even if he was an actual employee and not a fickle consultant, he would have been given the time off. She couldn’t really blame him, though. She understood the impulse to work through the personal issues until the personal issues went away.

“I'm sorry.”

He made an odd noise, like a quiet harrumph.

“What happened?” She asked after a pause, when he didn't speak.

He let out a humourless little bark of laughter. “Sort of a long story.”

Chloe raised her eyebrows. “Oh?”

He looked at her with an imitation of his signature grin. “A stabbing.”

Chloe exhaled. “Wow. Sorry.”

He didn't seem eager to give her any more details, and she figured it couldn't hurt to press him.

“What was his name?”

“Uriel.”

“Is that biblical too? Your parents are really weird.”

He laughed again and it sounded a little less hollow.

“You're telling me.”

“So. You going to have the family over, a funeral?”

Lucifer quirked a strange little grin. “We're not really that kind of family, detective.”

“The kind that comes together to grieve for one of their own?” She said sharply. She regretted it immediately as Lucifer's face shuttered and he looked torn between rage and grief. “Sorry,” she said quietly.

“It's fine.” He didn't sound very convincing. “No, not really that kind.”

She wondered again at the odd and cryptic things he'd say about his family. Whatever the real situation, it had to be fucked up- she'd been thinking some kind of religious cult for ages, since she'd met his brother anyway. Amenadiel had been an unwelcome piece of evidence that told her there was more than one guy to this crazy- the name alone, for God's sake- and past that, well. With Lucifer, it was always hard to say.

“Any other siblings? Other than Amenadiel?”

“Yeah, a bunch of other brothers.” He smirked. “Michael, Raphael, Gabriel, amongst others.”

A laugh escaped her at the absurdity of it all. “Seriously?” His smirk only widened as he nodded.

Still smiling, she said “you really got the short end of the stick, then.” The smirk fell off his face instantly. His expression was thunderous again, but he didn't reply.

Chloe nearly hissed in frustration.

There was another long silence.

She took a gentle, easy tone. “Why did you feel so guilty then, today? Like you needed to be… punished?”

His gaze slid away. “I can't say.”

She wanted to shake him. “Why? Don't you trust me?” She didn't say it angrily, but she was hurt. They had known each other so long, and still he hid.

His mouth twisted. “It's not that.” His next words were nearly inaudible.

“I… I don't want to lose- this. The detective thing. You know.”

He sounded so unsettled that he may as well have screamed ‘subtext’ at the end. She was speechless for a second. Her voice mellowed again and she replied quietly. “You won't, honestly. Whatever it is. I mean, criminal activity might put a hole in the consultancy thing, I won’t lie, but. I'll still be here.” That was what he had meant, Chloe thought. She really hoped she wouldn't come to regret saying that. It was true, though- Lucifer was vengeful, even violent, often callous, but he wasn't cruel. He wasn't sadistic, or pitiless. What could he have done?

Whatever it was, Linda had freaked, apparently.

Chloe felt apprehension building in her stomach.

He was staring at her, sizing her up. Judging, her mind supplied.

She cocked her head, hoping she looked assured. She suspected she was giving off a rabbit-in-headlights vibe, so she straightened even more.

When she replayed the incident later, it seemed like a massive anticlimax. One minute she was looking at her annoying but vaguely terrified looking consultant, the next his head morphed into this weird bald red thing. With, like, these sores? Ew. She'd seen worse, though, and there was still something quite essential about those features that made him convincingly _him_. But it still should have been dramatic, she thought, and there was nothing. No meteors or sudden earthquakes, not even a minute of climatic music, and in the moment, she just felt shock, surprise, maybe a hint of bone deep resignation.

Well, it wasn't a mask as far as she could tell.

She became aware that her jaw was hanging open. The click as she shut it seemed to resonate across the park.

And as suddenly as he'd changed, he was Lucifer Morningstar again, human, pain in the ass, old buddy ole pal.

That was pretty freaky.

It didn't prove anything, though, as such. Other than- other than what? That this guy has some neat party tricks? That there's something out there? That God is real?

What?

Chloe exhaled slowly. Opted for playing along- at this point, she didn't know what she thought. Lucifer doing weird ass shit on a park bench in the early hours didn't qualify as proof that everything she believed was-

Well, in any case. She hadn't fucking imagined that.

No wonder Linda had noped the fuck out. She was ready to run herself.

She had always been more of a fighter.

“So… you are actually the actual Devil.” She stared blankly at him, willing him to contradict her.

He quirked an eyebrow. “I have been saying that for a while now. I have never lied to you.”

She digested that for a while. If she actually accepted this a lot suddenly made sense, about Lucifer anyway, but there were so many… big, real life consequences to this admission that she barely knew where to start.

“But… okay.” She finally settled on a topic. “The Bible. Is all that true? I mean, you're bad news in the Bible, but you don't seem that bad, I guess.”

He grinned a little, but it was fragile. He was practically humming with tension. “I'm positively touched.” Chloe didn't think that had sounded as sarcastic as he had perhaps intended. He leaned back, looked out at the sky.

“They were right about some things, wrong about nearly everything.” He narrowed his eyes, focussed right at her. She felt oddly pinned, her line of sight also seemed to narrow. “It's a big world, Detective Decker. Far wider than any of your religions would have it.” He looked away, and she released a breath she hadn't realised she was holding. “In any case, the big G isn't much of a meddler, but there was a time when He was a little more invested, I suppose, since my brothers were meddling all over the shop-”

“Gabriel, Michael, Raphael?” she interrupted, smiling.

“Amongst others.” He quirked a grin. “I mean, the Jesus thing? Nice guy, don't get me wrong, but...” he gestured vaguely. “It's quite a complicated story.”

“Wow, okay.” This had become beyond bizarre.

“But surely you have some, I don't know. Insights? The big plan?”

Lucifer looked uncharacteristically pensive. “For I say, through the grace-” he hesitated, frowning. “The grace given unto me, to everyone that is among you, that no man presume to understand above that which is his meet to understand, but that he understand according to sobriety, as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith."

Chloe stared at him blankly, waiting for a translation, and he sighed. “The Bible. It means shut up, you just don't get it, no one can know the mind of the Father, etcetera, etcetera. In any case, it's not like dear old dad and I are best pals these days. As I said before though, the world is bigger than you’d suppose.” He sounded a little troubled now, edging on exhausted, and Chloe had hardly even seen him tired.

She nodded. “Right. Uh. Makes sense I guess.” _Bullshit._ He gave her a look letting her know that he knew it too.

Boy, she had questions.

Lucifer was the actual Lucifer, as in the actual Devil, as in the biblical Satan. ?

She still struggled to believe it in her heart, but there was very little she could do at this point to convince herself otherwise. She put her doubt aside to mull over later and turned back to Lucifer for another question.

“Why didn't you-” Show me before, she was going to say.

Seeing his expression, the words died in her throat. He had pasted on a strange grin, but she knew him better than that, and even someone who did not would be able to see that there was something wrong. She thought she had an answer.

He was scared. He was honest to god afraid of how she would react. Since when did the Devil care so much what she thought?

He laughed, tense and brittle. “You seem to be taking this quite well.”

Her brows furrowed in concern and she rubbed his arm gingerly. “Well, I can't say I'm not confused, but,” she shrugged. “You make a convincing argument.” She felt unmoored. It was amazing that her voice sounded as steady as it did, she thought distantly.

He relaxed marginally, although he didn't look reassured.

“I've never really been the religious type,” she continued. “I don't know any God. But I know you. You don't really strike me as the… embodiment of evil.” She really, really hoped she was right, because if not, she was beyond screwed.

“Could just be one of your devilish wiles.” She nudged him, made sure he knew she was joking.

He let out a breath and folded back into the bench. Chloe hadn't realised how tense he actually had been, and now he looked… conflicted? Relieved?

“Thank you, Chloe.”

She shrugged. “Don't thank me yet. I'll have to check tomorrow whether there's a law against running actual biblical Hell.” She wasn't normally flippant, but usually making light of crazy situations was Lucifer's gig, and he was decidedly unwilling tonight. She could feel hysteria bubbling up, and she clamped down. Hard.

He huffed out a small, genuine laugh, though, and that was all she had been aiming for.

“What was that like, anyway?”

“Running the underworld?” He shrugged. “Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven, as they say. Much like the myths tell it, lots of fire and brimstone. Not a fantastic place to be, although it has its charms.” He saw her frown and added “I suppose you could add the whole ‘giving the wicked their just deserts’ thing, I'm certainly a fan of justice. I- well. It's-” he cut himself off, after several false starts. “Hard to explain.” He was muttering now, not looking at her, and Chloe sensed that he didn't want to discuss this in any more detail.

“Anyway. It's pretty horrible, I suppose. If you’re a human.” His nonchalance was chilling in a way that it had never been before.

Chloe didn't reply, but she knew she was still frowning at him. The more she looked, the more obvious it became. Not his being the Devil, obviously, but an inhuman otherworldliness that she had somehow just… overlooked. She'd ignored all of her natural instincts, despite how much she relied on them for her work. It was reasonable enough that she had, given what she knew, but what else had she missed, through her skepticism and disbelief?

His gradually returning mirth drained away. “I'm not a nice, human guy, detective. I was the ruler of the worst creatures in existence for millennia, and in many ways I still am, since I'm immortal and they won't bloody leave me alone. I have tried to tell you, you know. I've never lied to you.” This point seemed especially important to him.

She opened her mouth, and closed it again. “I don't know. All this Prince of Darkness stuff doesn't quite seem to square up for me. Violent with a thirst for gory justice? Sure. You don't seem like-” she searched for words “-a megalomaniac. An evil, cruel guy. Even though you're not a human.”

He tilted his head thoughtfully. “That's just it, detective. I'm not. In any case, Heaven has little patience for any sort of… deviance.” His tone was dark, and very final.

There was an awkward pause. “And Maze?”

“Demon. You know Lilith?”

“Heard the name.”

“Her… spawn, you could say.”

Chloe grimaced at the wording. “Nice. It explains a lot.”

The Devil chuckled.

“Did anyone get anything right?” She said after a while, mostly to herself. She clarified, though. “About… the way things are.”

Lucifer shrugged carelessly. “Not really. In their defense, it is a little complicated.”

“What about you?”

“What do you mean?”

“There are a lot of devil stories, right? Did anyone get close?”

He looked at her with something like wonder. “You are something else, Decker.”

She raised her eyebrows.

“You could ask me anything! Fun fact, Detective- I've been around since the dawn of time.” She snorted, but wouldn't be distracted by his (disturbingly sudden) change of tone to something smug and cheery. She just looked at him expectantly, a method that was proving invaluable.

Lucifer sighed, again, but he was smiling. “You ever read any Milton? I thought he was…” he seemed to shake the thought. “Call me a fan.”

“I can't say I have. Paradise Lost or something? Didn't pay a lot of attention in English.”

He gave her an approving look. “That's right. Maybe you were too busy shooting Hot Tub High School?”

She groaned exaggeratedly.

His expression grew sombre. “In any case. It's good work. Total fiction, of course, but... interesting.”

Chloe watched him, questions still buzzing furiously at the back of her mind.

“So the wings thing-”

“Yep.”

“So they were really yours? They were... beautiful.” He didn't reply.

“It must have hurt,” she said vaguely.

Lucifer raised his eyebrows. He didn't seem to know how to respond.

“Um. Yes.”

She laughed suddenly. It was a little hysterical. “To think! I literally thought-”

“I know.” He gave her a rueful grin. “It was a little awkward. Sorry.”

Chloe shook her head.

Lucifer frowned at her. “You look a bit vacant there, Detective. I'd tell you to sit down, but…”

Chloe shook her head again, trying to clear it. “It's a lot to take in.” Lucifer made a noncommittal noise, tinged with concern.

“Not the origin of all evil, then?”

She could almost physically feel the wave of fury that swept across his face, but it was gone in an instant.

“No. But they have always needed someone to blame, for all their stupid, petty little crimes.” He didn't sound at all pleased about it.

“Humans?”

Lucifer inclined his head.

She grinned. “Boy, I know people with overbearing fathers but, Lucifer, you have the mother of dysfunctional families.” She couldn't believe those words had just come out of her mouth.

Lucifer huffed a laugh. “Yes, Dad is the Lord, Yahweh, Jehovah, Adonai, God Almighty, so the odd family spat always seems to be blown out of proportion.”

They sat in a companionable silence. Chloe was still processing, or trying to. This was too crazy for words.

After a while, he sat up suddenly, with a shark's smile, and rolled his shoulders.

“It is very late, Detective. Allow me to escort you to your home. Or mine.”

His tone was cool, but not without a characteristic edge of suggestion. Chloe wouldn't be so easily distracted, however. Who would have thought that having a small child would make her so well equipped to navigate a conversation with Satan himself?

“So what happened with Uriel? You never said.”

Lucifer's vaguely lecherous grin froze and dropped away, and he sat back. “Come on,” he almost whined. “You've just found out everything you believe is a lie and you want to talk about my problems?”

“Yeah.” She gave him a crooked grin.

Lucifer sighed. “I killed him. Not figuratively or metaphorically or whatever everyone seems to think. Stabbed him to death.” His tone was vicious. Chloe suppressed the urge to blanch.

“Presumably you had a reason.” A thought occurred to her. “Aren't you all immortal, anyway?”

He looked at her with a tilt to his head. “Mostly. There are some interesting relics that will completely destroy a… spirit, I suppose you could say. A soul maybe. And that's what I had. In any case, why do you need a reason? Maybe I just felt like it.” Looking away, he used a bitter, nearly petulant tone.

Chloe shrugs. “You're big on vengeance. But if he deserved it, why do you feel so guilty?”

“That's just it, Chloe. I'm the Punisher, you know. Dad's torturer.” He was spitting. “I never had to… kill. Kill as in end. Destroy forever, etcetera.” And just like that, his demeanor flicked to brooding. Had he always been so mercurial, or was she warier, more watchful now? “He didn't deserve it, really. And he was my brother.” Lucifer sounded physically pained. He took a breath. “I was trying…” he paused, spoke slowly as if he was tasting the words for the first time. “It was an attempt to… protect someone.”

He looked deeply uncomfortable. Chloe shuffled closer. “Who?” She couldn't help but ask.

Shrugging one shoulder, he said “my mother”. He quirked a half smile.

“You.”

**Author's Note:**

> when Lucifer quotes the Bible, it's Romans 12 I think
> 
> also I'm not caught up with the most recent couple of episodes, if he doesn't tell Chloe soon, I'm gonna be pissed.
> 
> If anyone wants to talk comics, it's been absolutely forever since I read that Neil Gaiman run (and the tv show is disappointingly totally different) so any insights from that corner are welcome :)
> 
> thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed xx


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